Tuesday, October 13, 2015

If the Third Time's the Charm I'll Stop After the First, Thank You

For the record, I want to state that bad things happen in threes. And the third time is NOT the charm. Of what am I speaking? The one thing that will send me running from a room. The one thing that will make me twitch at the mere thought of it for hours. The one thing that has had me scanning corners for a few days now. That one thing, my friends, is the spider.

If you've been here for any length of time, you probably know that I have a deep-seated fear of spiders. I can squish most bugs no problem. Spiders make me scream and flail and become an absolutely nonsensical version of myself. For reals.

New furniture arrived recently in the form of a sofa and loveseat. Neither of them have that little skirt thingee around the bottom. I saw a dark little something under one that I assumed was dirt or fuzz or a piece of stray yarn or something like that, as it was there for two days before I remembered to get it. Thank heavens I took a closer look before I touched it with my bare hand, as it was a dead spider. One that would have been enough to make me scream. My father absolutely refused to pick it up as he thinks adults should be able to handle such matters. So I flicked it into a plastic cup and tossed it outside as a warning to other possible intruders. Other intruders obviously chuckled and said "Oh really? We'll see...."

That night (Sunday) at dinner, sister Rachel caught something out of the corner of her eye, and pointed and said "I don't know what that bug is behind you, Dad, but you need to get it!" It was possibly one of the biggest spiders I have ever seen on the floor in front of the fridge (the weather strip under the back door needs to be replaced, and the theory is that it came in there). I immediately screamed and ran. Rachel picked up A-train and ran, while he's chewing his carrots and wondering what the hell is going on. My aunt followed us into the other room where we all twitched and tried not to say naughty things in front of the young 'un. My mother and sister Alicia (who can't be in the same room as most bugs, mind you) calmly sat there eating while my father squished it.

I spent most of yesterday trying to get that image out of my mind. Tonight I headed off to my yoga class. At the very end we do a relaxation sequence for five to ten minutes. The room is not air conditioned, so we open the windows. Sometimes you see a moth or a fly or something come in. So when I felt a tickle on my arm, I slapped at it thinking it was that (or a piece of my hair, which is usually the case). But when we were finished and I stood up to roll up my mat, what was there on it but a nice sized spider that look like it had aspirations of being a daddy-long-legs. On my mat. Practically spooning with me. I stayed calm (because I didn't want to look like a goober), shook it off the mat, and squashed it, all while looking like a sane person who wasn't itching to scream and run from the room.

That's three attempts on my life in three days. And to make matters worse, I can't take a certain road until after Halloween, as one of the houses has a gigantic spider display in their front yard and closing your eyes while driving is frowned upon.


  1. What's going to happen to you when the spiders take over Earth?
    p.s. I always sleep with my hair covering (protecting) my ears because I too have some fears.

  2. Please, never visit Australia. The spiders there are as big and hairy as construction workers, come in and introduce themselves. I don't mind the odd Dutch spider per se as they kill my worst enemy: the mosquito. And moths... don't get me started about moths. Between them being disgusting and The Mothman proficy... I am NO fan!

  3. While I feel your pain ( my yoga group meets outside in the summer) I actually kind of like spiders. I keep hoping they will solve the fruitfly problem in my kitchen, in the fall.

  4. Hopefully the creators of the spider display are people who take down their holiday displays promptly once the holiday is past! I had the most horrid nightmares about spiders when I was pregnant... not helped by the fact that we discovered a tarantula in our house. UGH ICK!!

  5. Oh my gosh!! It seems you are writing MY same Story!!! I am also a Spder Freaky attack person!! And I swear...really! ...that they WAIT for me to walk in a room..& there they come out from hiding under cupboard...or corner! ARRRRRGH!!!!! The Son's & Dad think it is Hysterical when I refuse to kill one...& am all jumpy for days! Glad I don't need to go down a road with huge decoration! : O We live in old Farmhouse...so they do get inside somehow.....just to taunt ME! GRRRRRR!

  6. We have had a couple of huge ones come in recently. My hubby won't touch them (because they eat other bugs, they are ok in his opinion), so they are my job to get rid of. My sister hates them so much, I cannot embroider them on anything I make for her. Hopefully it is true that things happen in threes. If so you shouldn't have any more incidents!



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