Witty Repartee

You guys know my number one fear, right? Maybe not. If you've been here a while you might know that it's spiders, followed closely by snakes. So this morning I get an email from my sister Rachel. Here's the conversation that followed. It's nice when you, your sisters, and your mother are all on the very same freak-out page.

Rachel: So I had a horrifying experience last night. When Matt came home last night, as he came up the steps (I was sitting on the couch) he says “Rachel, do not move. Stay calm.” Of course I can’t stay calm and I start asking him what’s up. He takes his phone out and takes some pics. At the top of our steps was the biggest spider I’d ever seen. He said it was a Wolf Spider. Google it (if you dare). It looks like a tarantula. They are in PA but are kind of rare. He had to use a shovel to kill it. You can see it’s eyes glow in the flash of his camera. Can you say nightmare?

Me: First of all—never tell me stories like that. Second of all—holy mother-freaking crap. Third of all—I will NOT be googling that.

Alicia: Don’t google it. I immediately regretted it.

Rachel: He thought I was playing a practical joke on him and that it was fake, that’s how big it was.

Me: Did you helpfully run up the steps, put your fingers in your ears, and scream murderously “Kill it!! Effing kill it!” That’s how I handle situations like that.

Rachel: I think I was in shock. Mostly just stood there. Matt will tell you he wasn’t scared but he was hesitating and stuff. He had to plot how to kill it. But afterward I couldn’t sit down. I followed Matt around wherever he went and he said “Why are you hanging around me?” I didn’t realize I was doing it, LOL.

Me: There was a big spider in the dining room once but nothing like this. Mom killed it. Alicia did a run-by to cover it with a red solo cup until dad came home and picked it up. I, as stated before, stood on the steps and screamed helpfully. I. Cannot. Do spiders.

Mom: OMG I AM GOING TO THINK ABOUT THIS FOR DAYS.

I mean...just...ugh. I should have written this earlier. Now I'LL have nightmares.

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On a men are from Mars women are from Earth note.....

Last night I was putting the binding on my table runner. I had bought this 'nifty' tool to help with the final seam. No matter what I couldn't get it as the directions were really weird and I ended up cutting things too short and I had to sew on a new binding strip while the whole thing was already sewn to the quilt. I then used my regular method, which took two minutes and fit perfectly. So while I'm pressing things into place I'm muttering and cursing about this stupid tool (because I wasted about an hour and was super annoyed). My dad walks into the room...

Dad: What is the problem in here?

Me: (See above).

Dad: Hmmm...sounds like you need to learn to use your tool better.

I relayed this to my mother this afternoon. She gave the appropriate response, which was "Uhhh, I think it sounds like you don't need the tool." Exactly. See? Women just get it. Men...it's like they're not even listening when you're talking about sewing and quilting :)

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Just feeling chatty. Hope your week is going along swimmingly.