On Sunday Z-man and I carved a pumpkin. Sort of. Here's the procedure we followed:
1. Get a grown-up to cut off the "lid." For extra fun unintentionally make it look like a mushroom. Then get an eight-year old boy to remove the guts and grossness. Think of how you'll look up how to roast the pumpkin seeds, and also how you'll save a few to try and plant a pumpkin patch next year.
2. Have the kid say a few times "I can't believe you're making me do this part."
3. Get your sister to scrape the inside of the pumpkin to a one-inch thickness because that's what the directions said but you still don't understand why. Don't take a picture of this part. It's kind of boring.
4. Tape your pattern to the pumpkin and watch your sister get started. Make sure she is following the directions on the package until everyone else loses interest and leaves the room, leaving you to finish the pumpkin. Your hands are icky so you can't take pictures of this part either.
5. Wonder why you didn't trace the paper pattern instead of trying to cut through it. Make a hot mess and almost slice your finger off even though your father says to watch out for your hand at least twice. This is because you think you know everything because you regularly use a rotary cutter, for heaven's sake.
6. Sit back and admire your finished work.
7. Tell yourself that it will look better once it's dark and the candle is lit. Remind yourself of what happened last year when it was free-styled based on Z-Man's drawing of what he wanted.
8. Make everyone follow you outside so you can light it up in some weird pumpkin-lighting ceremony that includes a crappy drum roll. Get annoyed when only 3 people come with you. Oooo and ahhh because it does look better lit up:
9. Tell your nephew to stop blowing out the candle just as you're snapping the photo. Give him a big hug because he keeps doing it, and that's exactly what you would have done.
10. Make some tea. And think about the seeds you tossed because you forgot you were going to save them. You've had a long day.
Disclaimer: this is the first time I have ever carved a pumpkin. True story. I've painted them, used a Sharpie on them, watched someone else hack into them--but the knives necessary to get a good cut make me nervous so I stay away. This year I bought one of those kits and it's much easier than giant knives look.